July 31, 2017

Five Things I've Learned From our First Year of Marriage

The first year of marriage for Dave and I has gone by like a whirlwind. On one hand, I feel like we have been married forever, since it feels like this is just how it's meant to be. On the other hand, I feel like our wedding was last weekend, and we are still newlyweds.

Saturday was the anniversary of the day we got engaged, and it just gave me so many fun memories of the time that we were engaged and this first year as a married couple. 

Dave and I were actually talking about these the other day, so I thought I would record them for you here. These are just a couple of the different things we talked about, but both agree that they are all pretty important.

Forget the comparison game. Everyone's relationship is different. There are different dynamics between couples, people have different values, and that is OKAY! And while I'm on this topic, don't compare your relationship OR your lives together. There are times when I have felt envious of other couples, and usually, that has to do with money. Dave and I haven't been on a vacation together in SO long, but we just aren't able to swing it right now. But we do still have fun together all the time. Just because one couple is jetting off on romantic getaways all the time doesn't make their relationship better, and vice versa.

Don't sweat the small stuff. There are always going to be little things that annoy you about your partner. It's just a fact of people living together. I can't stand when Dave doesn't put his laundry in the hamper. And he can't stand when I put dishes in the dishwasher before he's done with them. But do these things affect our marriage? No, because honestly, they aren't that big of a deal in the scheme of things. If you spend your time worrying about small stuff like that, you will drive yourselves crazy.

Continue to date each other. I wrote about this in June but wanted to include it in this list because it is probably the best marriage advice I've ever received. Go check out that post for more detail though. Don't let your relationship become about chores, bills, and other mundane things. Dating each other will let you remember WHY you want to be together in the first place.

Marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. I see it written all the time that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Even though I understand where it comes from, I think this is just wrong. If each partner is giving 50% to the relationship, there is so much more they could be giving. By setting the standard of 100/100, you know that you are both fully invested. Also, to be honest, there will be times when one parter might only be able to give 80% for whatever reason. In that case, the other partner can reciprocate by giving 120%.

A partnership is made up of two individuals. This could also be phrased: don't lose yourself in a relationship. We see it all the time. You love being with someone, so you sacrifice friends, hobbies, and other things to be with them, and do things together. While that is fine sometimes, don't lose sight of who YOU are, and what YOU like to do. And that is okay if it isn't always the same thing as your significant other. If you had every single interest exactly the same, you would be in a relationship with basically yourself, and that's just weird.

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